The phone rang somewhere in her living room. One thing about organizing a wedding was that it completely disorganized her living space. Cloth samples, invitation options, seating arrangements and other such things lay strewn about the room on just about every surface you could imagine. After a quick second of recovering her senses, Sandra pushed aside some papers and picked up her phone.
“Hey Sandra, how are you?”
The realization of who was speaking startled her just slightly.
“Just thought I’d call to say hi, answer that call you made a few days back.”
“Right, hey Emilio, sorry, you just caught me in mid-thought. How are you doing?”
“You know, same old same old, nothing much changes on a day-to-day basis. Work, friends, family. How ’bout you?”
“Well, I guess on a daily thing I could say the same. When’s the last time we talked?”
“I gave you a call for your birthday back in May, so, 7 months.”
The truth here was that both of them were dancing around certain topics, namely that their respective love lives had picked up. Out of respect for their past and any lingering feelings neither seemed to want to say it. However, there was an underlying reason as well, and that reason was that as long as one felt that the other was ‘available’ they kept a certain chain on each other. Each knew that the other was in a relationship but it was something that they never dwelled on. Sandra realized that these tendencies were childish and detrimental to her impending marriage and so she decided to break the cycle.
“Emilio, listen, I have to tell you something.”
“I kind of figured you did. The message you left sounded important. Alright what is it?”
“Its about George and I.”
A strange feeling arose inside of Emilio. His initial reaction upon receiving her message made its way back through the emotions. However, this time it was joined by a sense of dread at hearing news of Sandra and George.
“Is something wrong?”
“No, no, everything is great, part of the reason I want to talk to you.”
The pulsing dread overpowered all else.
“You see, I wanted to tell you this before you heard it from anyone else. Emilio…George and I are getting married this summer.”
The dread was now overcome by something else. A feeling of loss set in, accompanied by a welcomed sense of calm. Emilio always figured he’d hear this news before he could share something similar. He always wondered how he would react, now he was experiencing it first hand.
“Emilio, you there?”
“…Yeah, yeah…That’s great news. I’m so happy for you. The two of you must be so excited.”
“We are, thanks.”
The conversation continued with back and forth banter. The news had left both numb. Sandra had finally gotten it off her chest and Emilio had faced the possibility he always knew would come. Eventually the conversation came to its end and both politely said farewell, hung up the phone and went off with their thoughts. Through time both of them found that a conversation between the two always left them exhausted. Holding back so much, carefully watching what they said so as not to bring up the past or stir any memories, it all took its toll.
The feeling that resulted was not new to Emilio. One thing he had come to realize was that no matter what, at some level he would always love Sandra. That didn’t mean that they had to be together or even that they should be, just that he would always do so. He had become comfortable with that sentiment and had reconciled it in his mind. It didn’t change how he felt about Stella, he loved her as well, but he knew that when you loved someone the way he had loved Sandra, that didn’t just go away.
Sandra, on the other hand, had never understood how Emilio could feel that way. Granted, she had loved him but she didn’t see how they could not be apart if love was still there. This lack of understanding made this current feeling of remorse difficult to deal with. Deep down, the verbalization of the news filled her with some sense of loss, which produced in her an uncomfortable guilt. She wondered, “could Emilio have been right all this time?”
Today I once again feel you eyes over my past
Its like a sudden yet eternal cloud
You’re like an inferno where a cool breeze blows
And that temptation that tells me that I still love you
I’ve never been able to control my feelings
And now I’m the liquor that escaped from the bottle
I silently hid one of my songs again
So that I could tell you…
That my life would fade if you tell me you have another love and won’t come back
I still have your name imprinted on my skin
Then, if you can, come back to me
And I’d love to hold you again and reach up to heaven with that passion
I thought you’d forgotten the past
I thought so too, but now you see
I love you as much as yesterday, if not more
I also love you as much as yesterday
Apparently things were not as clear cut as both had hoped. Neither questioned their love for Stella or George but both had clearly left certain emotions neglected. This was not just about them, there were two other people to consider and certain issues had to be resolved for the sake of all involved.
Hasta la proxima.